Sometimes the biggest obstacle in healing is being able to understand the concept that things do not happen TO us. Everything happens FOR us.
This can be challenging for most people because the story we embrace as who we are – as victim – began in our formative years, before we had the ability to sift through what was happening in our lives and make the choices ourselves. We may have been neglected or abused in many ways. This led to us living our lives not feeling worthy, lovable or confident. This directed us to become a victim and live our lives in direct correlation to what we perceive as “being done to us”.
The single most important thing we can do to heal our lives, whether it be physical, emotional or spiritual is to learn the gift of forgiveness. Until we are able to forgive the people in our lives that we believe damaged us, or caused things to happen to us, we cannot be a healthy whole being. Sometimes the person we most need to forgive is ourselves. In most cases, it is a combination of both.
When you forgive someone you are not condoning their behavior.
That is not what true forgiveness is. It is releasing the pain, stress, anger and hurt you feel from your own body. If you are hanging on to what someone else did TO you, it will manifest itself in your body in the form of disease. GUARANTEED! You are still giving that person that wronged you the power in your life.
It can be as simple as saying “I forgive you” out loud, but if you are experiencing chronic health issues this will not be enough. In my coaching, I can take you to those exact moments in your life where you were “wronged” and we can reprogram the cells that have been damaged by those events so from that point forward your cells can change the memories held there and become healthy for your present and future.
In energy medicine, where I use Reiki and Intuitive guidance, I can actually see your chakras and balance them. The chakras are the main energy centers in the body that determine the health of your physical body. You hold various mental and emotional issues in your chakras and more specifically in organs that can cause different ailments and diseases.
Forgiveness can alleviate shame, guilt, anger, fear and grief that you hold in your body.
The following is a brief list of where some of these emotions are held:
- Shame – shame is most commonly seen in the kidneys and can also be combined there with the guilt you hold of your own shame
- Guilt – guilt is frequently seen in the sex organs and urinary tract. It can also affect the lower back
- Anger – anger is seen throughout the body, and will usually make its way into the heart, while rage usually presents itself in the gall bladder
- Fear – fear is also experienced throughout the body depending on the type of fear. Fear of safety and security is most often seen in the skeletal and muscular systems while a fear of life itself is intensified in the appendix. It is also experienced in the bladder, genitals and colon
- Grief – grief is commonly held in the heart. Unresolved grief can cause a myriad of heart, lung and breast problems
As you can see, it is imperative to release these emotions as best we can before they manifest themselves into disease. Sure, covering the emotions up and saying power mantras to ourselves can help temporarily. But to completely eliminate them from the areas where they are causing problems requires forgiveness. It requires letting go of the blame we put elsewhere for where we are in our lives right now.
Remember, you aren’t necessarily forgiving anyone in the sense that you are letting them off the hook for what they may have done, you are merely releasing the energy that YOU have been holding onto that has caused your body, mind and/or soul damage in some form. You don’t have to do it in person which is helpful because some of these people may already have passed. And sometimes if illness is manifesting in our body from some forms of shame or guilt we may need to be the person asking for forgiveness as well.
If you can’t think of anyone in particular that you may need to forgive, here are some examples:
- A relative or friend that died
- A boss that fired you or made your life a living hell while working for him/her
- Someone that stole something from you
- A parent, that even though they did they best they could, made some poor choices in raising you
- A teacher that humiliated you in front of the class
- Someone that may have bullied you in one form or another either growing up or recently
- A spouse that cheated on you or left you
- Anyone that ever took your power away
- Someone that abused their power over you
I can assure you that once you start doing the processes required for true forgiveness that there will be many people you will need to forgive that you haven’t even thought of for years. Perhaps you never even realized that these people helped to form beliefs in you that you use as your operating system in daily life; beliefs that also attributed to your current health.
There are multiple steps I take you through in my S.N.A.P. Change! Coaching Program to assist you in reclaiming your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual health, and the forgiveness process is done a minimum of 2 different ways throughout the 10 week program – more if necessary as the coaching program is tailored around your own individual and unique needs. If you aren’t coaching with me and if you were going to do only one thing to reclaim your health this is the one most important step I would suggest you do for sure. Forgiveness is as much a detox and a cleanse to the system as is a fast or juicing cleanse. It clears out all the gunk that has built up on top of itself for years.
Step closer to realizing your perfect and Divine health, the health you deserve.
Begin by incorporating forgiveness into all areas of your life!
You can start the process by posting who would be the hardest person for you to forgive right now in the comments section below.
If you want to share the reason that would be beneficial as well, this is step one in the clearing and healing!
I’d love to hear from you!
Thank you for posting this!
Actually, I do have an example from my own life, even as recently as today. Forgiveness has been on my mind a lot this week. I was just thinking this morning of more than a few people I need to forgive from over the years, and definitely feel that my own self is the hardest person on the list. I think one thing that got me thinking about this topic is the recent massages I have been getting from a friend who is studying for her massage therapy degree. She is doing 6 weeks of massage for free on me because I’m her “case study,” and I see her multiple times a week.
I have a really hard time relaxing during our massages, (even though I feel pretty relaxed), especially when she is working on my neck. I instinctively flinch every time she lifts my head up, even though I enjoy the massage and I know that she is not going to hurt me. She really notices it, and no matter how many times I think I have relaxed enough, she’s like, “let go, relax, you’re tensing, it’s Ok, just let it go.” Because she uses that phrase so often I’ve been noticing lately that I am holding on to a lot of tension, and I’ve come to the realization that it is because of needing to reconcile and forgive issues from the past.
I have been feeling so much better the past few months, and the massages definitely don’t hurt! But I have been frustrated that I still don’t feel quite myself yet, and that I still mistrust and fear so much. I think this doubt is partially due to some friendships I have had the last few years, and the people who (you actually told me this too!) I needed to stop hanging out with or move on from, as well as a previous relationship (still trying to forgive him, but also myself).
Something that my friend said to me a few years ago when I was having a really difficult time, that I just thought of tonight on the bus when I was trying really hard not to beat myself up in my mind for mistakes I have made: “you can only make choices with the information you have at the time, and you always do your best at the time.” This helps me too.
I will continue forgiving myself, and I think it does help to at least pinpoint who else you need to forgive. Each time I realize what types of pain I’ve been holding onto, it really shocks me to finally notice its presence. It is always there though, and hopefully I can keep facing it, forgive, and move on a happier person.
Thank you for sharing that, it sounds like you are able to acknowledge the importance of forgiveness. It is sometimes harder when we are the ones we need to forgive.
Something else that may be helpful to you is to realize that you are perfect exactly as you are, nothing to beat yourself up over for sure! And all that has happened in your past, all the choices you have ever made, were never mistakes. Everything has happened perfectly up to this point to help you see how there is a gift in every experience and to shape your magnificence! Thank yourself for setting it up so perfectly!
And self care is important as well, allow the gift of the massages – you deserve it!
There is so much in this post! One point I really like is how you made it clear that forgiving someone isn’t about them, it’s about you. It’s not letting someone “off the hook” for bad behavior, but freeing ourselves of how we carry the energy.
I’ve been dealing with this in recent weeks in terms of a family member – forgiving past bad behavior, understanding it in context, and letting go of overexaggerating the “badness” of it. I certainly know how damaging holding onto angry and negative feelings has been in my life. It took a long time, however, to become truly able to let go and forgive.
Yes, forgiveness is an ongoing process to be sure! I find in working with my own forgiveness issues that it also helps liberate me from judgement as well, making things more “neutral”. Added benefit! Thank you for sharing!
Wow Laura, this is so very true. I learned this lesson about 10 years ago, when I was in a deep depression and very angry with my step-father and my mother. Him for the sexual abuse, her for not protecting me and then when she found out, taking his side for fear of not being alone. It was explained to me that as long as I held onto the anger, I was giving them control. So I did finally get to a place of ‘forgiveness’. I no long have the anger, but I do know that I still have some forgiving to do in order to be ‘free’ from this. Thank you for your post.
Angelina, thank you for sharing your story. Yes it does take time for the healing to free us and I found that sometimes we have to forgive that “little girl” inside too. The one that feels like she let us down by not being strong enough or smart enough or loved enough to have prevented the abuse in the first place. I appreciate your comment! Love to you!
When my 14 year old daughter is old enough, I will have her read this. She was a victim of sexual and emotional abuse until she was 5 1/2 years old. We adopted her from Russia at that time. Her life is filled with shame and fear, not guilt or grief – at least not that I can detect. She is angry at the world and blames everyone for everything bad that happens to her and is not quick to forgive. The emotional baggage she has is irreparable I believe. The grief is mine – that my daughter is not capable of moving on, trusting me or loving me due to her “prior” life. I was furious with her caregivers who abused her, but have come to understand and accept that their culture knows no better. They are ignorant people who take pleasure in hurting innocent children. Very sad for my child and makes for a difficult time bonding and being close to her. Thank you for posting this.
Please Laurie, I hope I can convince you that she is not too young to read this. I was sexually abused beginning at the tender age of 3 and by the age of 14 wish I had someone or something to give me the tools to cope with my life. I understand her shame and fear. However, as long as she holds that in a dark place inside her she is remaining a target as a victim that is easily picked up by predators. Not just sexual predators but bullies and others who may find her to be easy prey. Trust me when I say that she is “repairable” and the sooner she can get help the better. It took me over 40 years until I discovered the resources to lead me back to “normalcy” and I struggled horribly up until that time. I do coaching with children and teens as well and feel very passionate about this particular subject. If I can help, please let me know!
I haven’t investigated working with the Chakra’s but what you say makes sense too. Keeping the hurt, anger and damage inside has to take its toll somewhere, somehow! Thank you for the insight 🙂
Yes, a lot of diseases are caused by these emotions. We all have them, we are human, but knowing how to process them before they become cancer or something scary is important. I appreciate your comment!
Oh boy, I just experienced a most profound EFT session yesterday where I started working on something now and ended up working on deep wounds from my childhood. I am working on forgiving my parents, mostly my Mum, and myself. It’s not easy but I know I need to deal with these wounds. Thank you
Amazingly, parents come up first at least 90% of the time when I do forgiveness processes with clients! Thanks for taking time to comment Louise. I love EFT – it is such a lovely healing modality!